


Kaiidth Imagination

by 8the_cat_chemist_doctor8



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Academy Era, Bones is So Done, Chess, Dungeon master! Kirk, Dungeons & Dragons Campaign, M/M, Nyota Uhura is a Good Friend, also there's a side oc relationship because they're cute, bones is in residential, i just wanted my bois to play dungeons and dragons okay, jim as a first year, spock as a second year, spock is not so in control and he doesn't like it, the dungeon master's word is law, they are pretty young here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2019-11-29 11:11:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18222359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8the_cat_chemist_doctor8/pseuds/8the_cat_chemist_doctor8
Summary: Spock has always had minimal imagination. Back when he was a child, his mother would attempt to cultivate it through board games and things like Pictionary, claiming that it would 'help him learn standard as well as vulcan.' Sarek had seen through her schemes, but had said nothing until Spock started protesting.Jim used to play Dungeons and Dragons when he was younger. The catch is, it was on Tarsus IV, where all of the people he guided in the game died from hunger or the horrid things that happened back there. Survivors guilt eats at him every time he looks at a twenty-sided die.Now both him and Spock are being invited to join the cadets' campaign, and it's a matter of whether or not they can fight the ideology inside them to join the group of the most successful science and command cadets and follow in their successful footsteps.(Otherwise known as ‘Spock is a ruleabiding killjoy’, or ‘the one where Kirk is impossibly even more of heart eyed fool when playing DnD’)





	1. getting the party together

“Yo, it’s almost time.” Raymond grinned as he plopped himself into the seat in front of Terglin’s.

An eyebrow raised, Terglin just gulped down some coffee. “What?”

“Time to get out there, Glin. Don’t tell me you’re the _only_ one not counting the days to get off-planet?” Raymond asked, looking shocked.

“I am counting the days, Ray.. But unlike everyone else, I’ve already been out there once.” Terglin sighed serenely.

“No need to rub into my face, though, Glin.” Raymond pouted and stole a chip off Terglin as justice. “But in all seriousness, who’re you going to hand the DM title off to?” He asked seriously.

Terglin’s shoulders slumped. He was stumped on that front, he didn’t think any of the group was truly mature enough to lead the (frankly) wild campaigns that went down within the group.

“I honestly don’t know. None of you knobs are mature enough.” Terglin sighed, running a hand through his hair and picking at his chips, swatting Raymond’s hand away as he reached for some more.

“Wow, I’m flattered.Truly.” Raymond sarcastically rolled his eyes. He knew there wasn't heat behind it, though, and his expression betrayed that. “Just choose my brother, love, easy.”

“No. I want to be sure the club is going to be okay before I leave. It is my legacy, after all.” Terglin said, annoyed.

“Right.” Raymond rolled his eyes, and went on his PADD.

“Hey, how about you give those hotshot youngin’s a try?” Raymond asked earnestly after scrolling through Fleetstagram.

“Who? I thought we unanimously agreed that none of the youngins were hotshots, Ray.” Terglin asked, pulling a face.

“You know George Kirk?” Raymond grinned. It was strange since no one ever smiled while saying his name, but Terglin bore with it.

“Mhm.”

“He has a kid. He's a command youngin.” Raymond grinned. “And he's claiming he's gonna do the command path in three years instead of four, and he'll captain the Enterprise.”

“Is that so?” Terglin admonished, focus directed to the page of Fleetstagram Raymond had passed him. It was Kirk's kid's page, and it was opened on a specific picture.

It was captioned:

Missing these boys 😣🙏

And it was an old picture of Kirk and some boys around his age. He looked young in the picture, almost elementary. But there was a DM screen in front of Kirk in the picture and his friend was grinning and throwing d20s at him. Kirk was making heart eyes at him and the other boys were laughing happily. He could see why a boy with no father would miss this.

“Well, god knows we need fresh faces. I'll invite him.” Terglin smiled.

“No offence love, but he doesn't take well to oldies asking him shit. I'll do it.” Raymond was biting back a smirk.

“Oi, you're an oldie too, pops,” Terglin exclaimed, dumbfounded at his utter nerve.

“Sorry. People who look like _authority_.” Raymond teasingly grinned, seeming unapologetic.

“You're lucky I fucking love you, Ray.” Terglin sighed.

“I know.” Ray grinned. “But thats why I love you.” he smiled softly.

Terglin gave him a rare soft smile that reached his eyes, and grinned mischievously. “Out of all the people at Starfleet, I had to date the mischievous one.” He dramatically sighed, pretending he wasn't mischievous either.

“The nerve!” Raymond choked out, shocked. “You're gonna pay for that later, huh, minx.”

Terglin just smirked, unapologetic. He pointedly placed a kiss on Raymond’s forehead as he gave him the PADD back.

Raymond softly smiled and changed the Fleetstagram page, his expression changing.

“Oh, and what about this kid, Glin?”

Terglin looked down at the page he had open. It was a Vulcan looking kid with a bowl cut.

“A Vulcan? Ray, love, you know Vulcans don't do ‘imagination.’ The kid wouldn't join if his life depended on it.” Terglin sighed long-sufferingly.

“But Glin, here's the thing, he’s half human. He even has a Fleetstagram account! I feel like there's something human about him despite him controlling his emotions.” Raymond sighed, running a hand through his hair. He always did care too much about others.  “He only hangs out with that one girl from Xenolinguistics who's younger than him! Don't you find that odd?”

“Ray, I was like that too. It'll come out fine for him, I promise. But don't go confront the kid about it! He'll actually have a heart attack on the spot.” Terglin sighed, trying to show his boyfriend that while humans wouldn't mind being invited to an imagination game club, Vulcans wouldn't.  

“I don't think so, though.  DnD does have logic. It has stats.” Raymond pleaded.

Terglin mulled it over. He didn't want to disturb the poor kid, but he was also completely sure that Raymond needed to do this to satiate his caring need to do this, or he wouldn't sleep for a week and would wake him up late at night worried he didn't make the right choice.  

“Alright, love. Go ahead and ask him. But if he tells you to politely piss off, don't annoy him about it.” Terglin sighed, grinning softly.

Raymond gave him a rare gleaming smile and beckoned him to come with him as he helped pack his boyfriend's study stuff and empty tray.

Raymond seemed eager about this, so Terglin guessed he could see what happens with this.

 

Jim wasn't the type of person to consistently break down,  but one day something triggered one, and he fell into bed with a heavy heart. Bones had asked what was up, but he didn't really want to spill. He just looked through and found an old photo from his DnD days back in elementary.

He had seen this guy playing with a d20 earlier on his lonesome and this memory was all he could run through his head. It was when he used to DM his boyfriend and his old friends. He could still hear their laughter and monster impersonations. Emotions rolled into a wave of nausea in his stomach. Anger, sadness, depression, survivors guilt and more rolled through him and caught hold. He pushed them down. Jim pushed them to wait their turn for the anniversary of Tarsus IV.

He missed them. He missed the game too, but one couldn't play Dnd against a computer like you could do chess. DnD just wasn't the same when played with people you don't know.

Without thinking in it too much, he posted the picture and mulled in them and what they might’ve said if they were here and looking at this Fleetstagram post. Honestly, the boys would tell him to go find DnD elsewhere and make more friends. William would've told him that as long as he was happy and in love, he would rest in peace, etc.

But that didn’t help the dark flip his stomach did at the idea of how changed they were before they died. He wasn't sure they would've thought that at all. Or that him being still alive was fair.

Even so, he drank himself into oblivion thinking about it anyway.

 

S'hn T'gai Spock had nothing on his mind but the latest science journals. He never really bothered with frivolous things such as socializing and he did have a friend here, he just didn't tend to have time for her in between mandatory chess club and his accelerated courses. However, Uhura was nice to talk to, he meekly reflected whilst walking with her.

She was attempting to practice her Vulcan with him, and he was happy to humour her. She was very zealous in her language learning, and to her merit she was scientific, but she was learning engineering and communications, and language and culture was the only bridge between them.

But again, he was happy he was to be of use there anyway. He had been in Starfleet for over a year, but he still didn't quite know what to do around all these people exuding emotion constantly. He just shrivelled up when at school due to it, being blunt to those around despite his shields being very strong. He still found the pressure daunting when people talked to him, and he was once more reminded of Stonn and the number of people backing Stonn compared to only his family backing him when he was back on Vulcan.

That didn't mean he shrivelled up and acted weak, however.  Spock was anything but weak. He was direct, blunt and logical, and he prided himself in that despite his obvious confusion about what to do amongst this many humans and other species.

But he did have a bad reputation for being irrationally logical to humans. He didn’t mind, but people tended to leave him alone.

So it was an utter shock when an older student walked up to him while he and Uhura were turning a corner on their way to the dormitories.

“Hi.” the person greeted, eyes flickering to Uhura.

She seemed to notice this movement and for some reason felt compelled to excuse herself in Vulcan before leaving without Spock.

Spock just raised an eyebrow. He assumed the older student had a reason for approaching him.

“Spock, is it?” The student asked, looking up and down as if that would provide an answer to his question.

“Affirmative,” Spock answered, slightly baffled at the reason why this was happening, but he suppressed it. It was illogical to speculate, none the less.

The student laughed. “Well, that was… different.” He mumbled, then righted himself. “Anyway, I’m Raymond, and I would like to invite you to our Dungeons and Dragons club.” He grinned.

Spock’s eyes squinted minutely, but it was the only outward sign of confusion to which he allowed himself. He suppressed the confusion again and simply asked what he was asking.

“What is ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ and isn’t is against school policy to trap someone in a ‘dungeon’ with a ‘dragon’?” Spock asked, his eyebrow lifting again.

Raymond just killed himself laughing for a minute, unable to answer. Spock was confused about his reaction. It was a simple and logical question, why did the question inspire such laughter..??

Raymond eventually pulled himself together and smiled at Spock, grinning happily.

“Sorry, just never been asked that before.”

Spock didn’t grace that statement with a reply. Raymond didn’t seem to expect one as he went on to explain what he was talking about.

“Dungeons and Dragons is an old roleplaying, strategical and statistical kind of board game from the 1980s which you play in a group. It involves exploring dungeons within the game and occasionally fighting dragons.” Raymond grinned.

“It sounds gruesome. How it a statistical and strategic game?” Spock asked, inquiring and not mocking or hating on the game. Humans were different to Vulcans, and he respected that.

“Well, you have to collaborate with the group to beat monsters with either magic or fighting. But you usually need a strategy to overcome them, since they have their own stats of how hard they are, how alive they are, etc. But you do too, and you have to keep track of them, etc.” Raymond said, the corners of his lips turned up, but still seeming a little startled at the game being called ‘gruesome’, as he felt it was anything but that.

Spock mulled it over. It would be interesting, and maybe could teach him a thing or two, but the fantasy part was bothering him.

Raymond seemed to think about what else to say, and his face visibly brightened as he found the selling point of the game to the young student.

“All of the successful command and science students used to play the game. Pike played it, George Kirk did, and many others did as well.” Raymond smirked.

Spock added this factor to his percentage of interest in the other parts of the game, and he calculated he had a 65% chance of liking the game with this new information. It was above 50%, so he figured it wouldn’t hurt to try it.

“When does the club meet?” Spock asked, and Raymond’s smile grew.

“We meet every friday at 17:00 in the Discovery Building.”

“Well, I’ll join.” Spock said bluntly.

Raymond’s smile turned into a grin. “I think you’ll like it.”

 

Jim was harder to bring around, surprisingly, despite playing the game before and enjoying it.

“Yo, Jimbo.” Raymond called, speeding to catch up with him in the hallway. Raymond had scouted out the younger cadet’s first name from a couple of kids from his grade.

Jim turned around. He was a social person, but he only knew one person who used that nickname and that wasn’t the person talking to him right now.

Jim smiled and sighed. “Please don’t call me that, man.”

Raymond shrugged agreement and grinned.

“So we’re looking for new recruits for our Dungeons and Dragons club, man, wanna join?” Raymond asked, already aware from that Fleetstagram post that the idea of the game could reopen wounds.

Despite Jim having no outward reaction other than smiling a little, you could tell with his eyes that he internally winced.

“I don’t know man, kinda busy with my accelerated course.” Jim sighed as if it was a really hard choice, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. Raymond, who had studied psychology, could tell he was stalling to gather his thoughts. “Who’s in the party?”

“Well there’s quite a few oldies, but there’s also some command from chess.” Raymond shrugged.

“Chess?” Jim perked up, interested piqued.

“You play?” Raymond asked, eyebrow raised, reading how Jim’s body language changed from closed to more open.

“Yep. Top in the chess club along with Spock, though I’m angling to beat him.” Jim grinned.

“Oh, Spock? The Vulcan kid? He’s joining.” Raymond shrugged.

Jim looked positively shocked.

“Spock….? Playing Dungeons and Dragons?” He spluttered.

“Yeah. He seemed pretty civil about it when I approached him about it.” Raymond said nonchalantly.

“You asked him to join?” Jim asked, curious.

“Well, I thought he was pretty smart, and we kind of need smart people on the party to balance out the stupidity from the rest of us knobs.” Raymond grinned, remembering how Terglin had called the party knobs earlier.

Jim just burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that he had to balance himself against Raymond, but Raymond didn’t mind as long as Terglin didn’t see (the jealous bastard.)

“What edition you playing?” Jim asked.

“5e, kind of old compared to today’s 50th edition, but what can I say, we’re traditionalists.” Raymond shrugged happily.

“Oh, cool. I used to DM 5e.” Jim pondered.

“Well, watch out, my boyfriend is looking for someone to pass the title off to.” Raymond winked.

“Your boyfriend is the DM?” Jim asked suspiciously. “Isn’t that like, cheating?” Jim narrowed his eyes at Raymond. (Though Jim couldn’t talk, he used to DM his boyfriend too.) 

Raymond just winked at him with a grin. “So will you join? I think I’m in danger of loosing my boyfriend to you, but I think I’m still safe.” Raymond laughed.

“Who else from the chess club is joining?” Jim asked, not really wanting to know just Spock.

“Well, there’s that Sulu kid and his boyfriend Chekov, as well as Christine Chapel.” Raymond shrugged.

Jim thought it over. He really didn’t want to, the tightening in his chest said he shouldn’t, but he loved the game and kind of missed it, so…

Well given that list of people, some of them are unlikely to die in the near future, so maybe he should give it a try? Jim was unsure. But maybe he should accept the offer and ponder it later. He could always change his mind.

“Okay then, man. I’ll bite. When is it?” Jim asked, hugging his PADD to his chest.

“Fridays at 17:00 in the Discovery Building.” Raymond grinned, and slapped Jim’s back while moving to leave. “Glad to have you aboard, mate.”

“Good to be aboard then, commander.” Jim grinned back at him, recognising that Raymond was due to be a commander by the pin on his cadet uniform.

Jim could hear Raymond’s laughter as he left.

Well, this was a nervous breakdown in the making, Jim thought.

 

 


	2. Jim's heart has an armour class of f o u r

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, to all the DnD players out there, I'm basing this on my experiences with a pseudo DnD called DnD (fast play) Fantasy and Light  
> However, the premise is the same...

“Surprisingly, Jim was harder to bring around than Spock,” Raymond announced as he came through the bulkhead doors to the dorm he and his boyfriend shared.

“Really?” Terglin asked airily as he scrolled through some code on a PADD. A professor had asked him to look through a second year’s code and tell him what he thought of it.

“Yeah. I think something happened to those kids that Kirk used to play DnD with too. He seemed far too defensive and interested in who’s playing for his own good.” Raymond sighed as he plopped onto his bed, taking off his boots. Terglin glanced at him from his place on his own bed interestedly.

“Well, I would assume so. He put a prayer emoji next to the caption of the post. It almost seemed like one of those ‘rip some celebrity’ posts.” Terglin rolled his eyes. He was no psychologist, but he could tell that in the very least.

“Oh.” Raymond said softly, and then again. “Oh..!” He said loudly in realisation, and then again. “Oh….” He seemed to sympathise sadly with his last realisation.

“Wish I could make you make that noise in bed.” Terglin grinned mischievously. And then pretended to think for a minute, ignoring the shocked face on Raymond. “Oh wait, I already do.” Terglin grinned.

Raymond got up and swatted him with his shoe, before falling back onto the bed. “Could you be more empathetic? I just realised his DnD friends _died_ , smartass.”

Terglin’s teasing demeanour dropped, and he realised what kind of inappropriate joke he made. “Oh.” He sighed, sitting up and dropping the PADD to face Raymond, whose face looked like he was going to run off and take back his invitation to Jim for DnD.

“Look, Ray, love. He said yes, right?” Terglin asked softly.

“Yeah.” Raymond sighed, rubbing his face and looking at Terglin with a face that brimmed with pity and sadness.

“So he must be okay with it or coming to terms with being okay with it, Ray. It’s up to him to say yes or no, you just extended an invitation and couldn’t’ve known.” Terglin reminded him softly, getting up and going to hug Raymond on his bed, but Raymond moved away, seeming to brim with thoughts.

Raymond seemed to put those thoughts against Terglin’s logic and seemed to put the idea of him being insensitive and asking Jim about DnD away for now. He pulled Terglin in to bundle his face into the fabric of his pyjamas. Terglin moved to accommodate this and sat down next to him.

“Do you think the party would like the new kids?” Raymond asked Terglin, looking up at him.

“Yeah. Don’t worry, the newbies are kind of known for their shenanigans from what I’ve heard from helping out the professor’s classes of that grade.” Terglin grinned.

“If you say so.” Raymond sighed. “But what about Spock? I’m just worried the game is too complex for him…”

“Love, nothing is too complex for that kid. I was just reading through his programming and it’s complex enough to be my level.” Terglin grinned, stroking Raymond’s hair. “Besides, love, nothing is too complex for Vulcans.”

Raymond laughed. “I guess so.”

And Terglin could feel his lover ease beneath him as he stroked his hair and Raymond bundled up against him.

And it appears that that’s all Raymond needed; someone to be there and just tell the story straight so his psychologist's brain doesn’t take any tidbit of data and run away with it. And someone to just be there for him.

It was a while before Terglin broke out of his daze to realise his lover had fallen asleep in his arms.

He wanted to fall asleep cuddled up loverly like this, badly in fact, but he gently pushed a kiss to Raymond’s forehead and slipped away to get his PADD, commanding the already dim lights off and moving past Raymond sleeping to lie and work on his bed. He dearly wished his professor hadn’t given him this assignment, but it was due tomorrow and he was kind of enjoying it, though not as much as he would enjoy cuddling with Raymond.

But as he walked past with his PADD, the blue light of it pulsating and bright in the dark, he felt a hand catch and tug on his shirt.

He looked down and noticed it was Raymond’s hand, so, he gave in, and cuddled with him as he worked on the project. Raymond didn’t seem to mind though, because as soon as he got comfortable again, he was out like a light.

 

Jim, who had decided to talk his decision to play DnD through with Bones, had come around to the decision that he should at least give this DnD a try and write over the sadness-tinged memories of Tarsus DnD with the memories he was going to inevitably create with this DnD group.

Considering that they weren’t actually knobs like that dude had insinuated earlier.

Friday came sooner than he anticipated, and soon Bones was pushing a nervous Jim Kirk out of their dorm so he could make his way to the Discovery building for 17:00.

But he wasn't told what room to go to, so he found himself early and running from room to room to check, increasingly confused. He had forgotten to ask the DnD dude his name to contact him, however, the guy had known his.

And as Jim was fast walking and checking the time…

Wham!

“Ow..Thfuck?” Jim mumbled, looking up. Oh. Spock. He recognized the ears and hair immediately.

Spock raised an eyebrow, and there was a tense and awkward silence as Jim righted himself and checked for bruises.

“Is there something you’re so frantic about, Kirk?” Spock asked politely.

“The DnD room. I can’t find it. Do you know where it is?” Jim asked, shaking off his confusion at bumping into Spock before remembering he was part of the club.

“DnD…?” Spock asked.

“Dungeons and Dragons.” Jim clarified.

“I do indeed have knowledge of where the club is being held,” Spock affirmed.

“Great, why don’t we go together?” Jim asked, checking the time again.

Spock considered this suggestion for a minute and nodded his affirmation.

There was a strange kind of silence that washed over them as they walked, Spock being a year older than him and being competitors and all. But Jim seemed determined not to walk in silence, due to the nervous energy racking him every step he took to something he hadn’t played in a while and had a mix-mangle of good and bad memories to do with.

“So, I wasn’t at Chess last week. Anything cool happen?” Jim asked easily, smiling at Spock.

“Define ‘Cool’,” Spock replied, looking around to see where they needed to go and then directing them that direction.

“Well..” Jim paused, trying to find a word that would mean something in Spock’s vernacular. “Fascinating.” Jim finished, looking to Spock for an answer.

Spock considered his question for a minute or two and then graced Jim with a response.

“Chekov beat Sulu, and Scotty, whilst inebriated, beat Chekov,” Spock commented as they turned a corner and started to hear voices. Jim checked the time and saw that there was a minute to go before 17:00.

“Wow, that’s… surprising.” Jim replied, slightly shocked, but furrowing his brow anyway. “How were their games?”

“‘Loud and competitive’, is what Nyota called it when she came around to talk to Chapel, I believe,” Spock answered, looking to Jim to see what he thought of it.

“Well, I suppose it would be, with that lot,” Jim laughed.

Spock opened the door and let Jim in, and followed suit when Jim had entered.

“Aha! The youngins’ have arrived!” One of the players exclaimed jovially.

Spock and Jim shared a look, before Jim grinned at them. “Youngins’?”

“You’re younger than us lot!” One of the older students laughed.

Jim looked back to Spock and could somehow see he was slightly uncomfortable. But he dismissed it as confusion at why they were so loud.

Then, Raymond came in, seeing them and grinning. “Oh, ‘ello! Glad you could join us. Terglin’s just printing some character sheets for you.”

“Cool.” Jim just replied, watching as Raymond started passing out sheets of paper to the rest of the group. Sulu and Chekov were also sat there, along with Christine Chapel. Jim recognized Bones’ assistant immediately.

“Assistant Chapel!” Jim grinned, glancing at Spock again trying to gauge his reaction to this, but coming up short. Reading Spock was always a hit or miss, anyway. He walked off to greet her, smiles and all.

Chapel rolled her eyes. She had heard from McCoy’s whines all afternoon about how dumb ‘Jimboy’ was being not wanting to go to DnD and he’d ‘damn well lock the boy out of the room if it meant he stopped moping.’

“Made a character yet, Chapel?” Jim flashed a winning smile.

“Yes.” Chapel sighed back. “Unfortunately for me.”

Jim raised an eyebrow. “Unfortunately? Lucky for me.”Jim grinned wolfishly.

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting you have any relations with my character, Jim.” Chapel said bluntly, pinching the bridge of her nose and moving her character sheet away from Jim when he attempted to pick it up and read it.

Jim just pouted and looked around, thinking of looking for someone else to bother when someone dressed in a long coat and rumpled, curly and dark brown hair walked in, his long legs making him look more severe as he practically stalked towards the seat at the end of the long table, which had a DM screen already set up.

“Alright then lads, let's get this campaign started!” He grinned, passing around papers from his sheaf of papers, and eventually got to Jim and Spock. Jim wasn't phased by the use of paper and got onto his character, asking a couple questions before picking up the dice and rolling stats. Spock and Chekov were shocked as they held the paper, Spock wasn't shocked at the paper’s existance, he was just shocked they were using paper for this when they could use their PADDs. Chekov, being the youngest and still quite young,  was shocked that.. wow! Paper! And he was crinkling it childishly, looking curious.

Sulu was just laughing at his cute boyfriend as he waited for instructions on what to do with the paper.

Then, the tall man took his place at the head of the table again, and addressed the group.

“Hello, adventurers!” he grinned. Jim glanced at Spock to try gauge his reaction to the idea, and, as Jim was learning, he found Spock staring listly at the paper and figured that was Spock language for ‘shocked.’

But before he could mention it, the DM was talking again.

“I'm the great and mighty Terglin. I'll be your dungeon master for today. But we'll just say ‘DM’ from now on.” Terglin announced, looking at the differing faces. “We have quite a few newbies, so sorry oldies, we're going to have to go through the motions.”

The unfamiliar people groaned in annoyance, but looked between themselves, resigned.

“I'm going to save us the awkwardness and introduce the newbies!” Terglin continued, ignoring the annoyance from his regular players.

“We didn't get many oldies wanting to join, so there's just youngins this year.” Raymond pitched in.

“Okay, so let's start with Hikaru Sulu and Pavel Chekov. Both are from the command path, though Chekov here is a physics wiz, I swear on my goddamn grave.” Terglin grinned as he flattered the kid. Chekov’s cheeks reddened. “Sulu is a more than capable pilot too, he rocks the sims! I wouldn’t be surprised if Pike pushed him up a few classes.”

Jim grinned and nodded at Sulu and Chekov. He knew the pair from chess club. Sulu smiled and nodded back.

“The lovely Christine Chapel is joining us as well, I hope she doesn’t end up saving all our asses in the game as much as she does in real life.” Terglin grinned at Chapel. She rolled her eyes but took the compliment nonetheless.

“And last but not least, the academy hotshots! Jim Kirk has decided to join us in our pillage of 5e. He has quite a reptuation in Chess and it’d be interesting to see that mind applied to DnD again!” Terglin grinned.

Jim was flattered, and should’ve probably been denying it profusely, but modesty and humbleness were never his strong point. He just grinned and didn’t interupt with a self flattering comment like he would’ve usually.

“And speaking of Chess! The other academy hotshot! Spock is the top chess player at the moment and known for formulating a couple of extremely useful programming tricks to which I probably owe my grades to.” Terglin smiled softly.

Spock just nodded in agreement.

“Anyway, on that note we should probably explain the game!” Raymond grinned. “Dungeons and Dragons is a role play… sort of board game. While we do use tools to figure out where we are physcially within the game, we mostly use words and papers.”

Jim just nodded along and worked on his character sheet, knowing this already. Spock was looking a bit green, but Jim wasn’t able to figure out why.

“The reason we use paper, is well, for being able to unplug from everything else, as well as make sure no one gets distracted! Another reason is so Terglin here can see if you’ve been editing your stats! Be warned, he spares no one.” Raymond laughed. Jim snickered softly along with the oldies and watched Sulu’s face fall a little. Jim just noted that Sulu was a bad liar.

“Basically, what happens is there are rules, of course, but the DM can also ignore some of them when it makes sense, since essentially the DM is creating the universe you are in, yadda yadda yadda. But the 2 main rules of DnD is that the DM is never wrong, and that the dice never lie.” Raymond shrugged. Spock stared listlessly at his paper.

Jim noted he was shocked again.

“You can read the rules in your own time, but it’s easier to just ask us for the time being, since you’ll find out the rules for yourself in due time. But how we play is basically, the DM presents a situation, the players decide how to deal with that situation, the players deal with the situation, and the DM presents the consequences.” Terglin explained, shooting Raymond a look.

“So what  happens is, you’re not yourself in the game. You are a person you made up. An avatar, for example. But you can basically be anything in the game. In this version there are limited amount of classes and races, but if you’ve got a cool idea Terg’ll probably allow it as long as it’s okay for the time period we’re plonking your charcter’s into.” One of the players explained, biting down on a pencil whilst shaking his cupped hands back and forth. He stopped and dice fell from his hands and landed on numbers.

“We’re going to be making those characters now.” Terglin grinned. And went on to explain how to roll for stats. Jim wasn’t really listening, he was drawing his character on the margins of his character sheet. And he looked up, watching Spock observe the dice, stare at it and then roll. Jim guessed he was calculating probabilities of weighted dice.

But then he realized with a start, that despite the imagination of the game, Spock was in his element with the dice and the stats and calculating the probability which characters would die first depending on their stats and hitpoints and strengths. And it struck him how wild and powerful Spock looked behind those dice and the equations on his character sheet despite not even being in the DM chair or behind The Screen, and… even though he already respected Spock immensely, he started to think on that respect and how much he could possibly _respect_ Spock before feeling something more than just respect to the man. And he started to realise that you didn’t need to be the leader front and center to be powerful and respected.

He broke out of his reverie when Spock noticed him looking.

“Kirk? Are you well?” Spock asked, just as he did during chess games when Jim had been thinking longer than five or six minutes. (Not everyone had superior thinking speed, thank you very much!) (But Jim was just jealous.)

He disregarded the question, a weird instinct pressing him. “Jim. Call me Jim.”

Spock just raised an eyebrow and ignored the request. He was just being taciturn, as usual. But Jim’s games with Spock gave him some insight into Spock’s subtle hints of emotion, and this was him thinking the request was illogical.

“Hey, it’s not illogical, Spock, call me Jim!” Jim pushed, almost reaching out for him before remembering Vulcan personal space and Vulcan touch telepathy.

“I did not say it was an illogical request, Jim, I just stored the subject for later.” Spock replied primly, he didn’t seem to give too much of a damn about the aborted move to attempt to draw his attention.

Jim smiled, though. It was interesting how getting Spock to do something as simple as ‘call me Jim’ was gratifying. He found it must have something to do with the whole ‘I respect Spock’ thing from earlier.

“So, what species is your character?” Raymond asked as he came around helping the newbies. Terglin wasn’t being any help at all. He was just hanging around the oldies talking about a past campaign.

When Spock didn’t answer, Jim volunteered his character’s information.

“Halfling Thief, at your service.” Jim grinned.

“Oh, wow! First thief of the group. You’d fit right in with the rogue Sulu’s been brewing up.” Raymond grinned.

They directed their gazes at Spock, and Spock was silent a moment.

“I think I am having trouble with the reasoning behind including different species within the game…” Spock admitted in that level voice of his.

“Oh, well you have the Humans, the Elves, the Halflings and the Dwarves and more!” Raymond grinned. “They all have different advantages and disadvantages, for example being Orc or half Orc would make you really strong, but you have a selective diet of red meat.”

“I’m unfamiliar with the mythology behind the different species of the game.” Spock admitted, seeming to not understand a word of it when Jim read his body langugage.

“Oh, well… would you like me to pick one for you, or me to explain the mythology?” Raymond asked, rubbing his neck, slightly uncomfortable.

“Considering that I am one of the last to finish the task, it would simply be faster if you picked one.” Spock said bluntly.

Raymond looked interested, but he leaned down to the character sheet and wrote a couple things before standing back and looking at his work.

“Okay, so I chose something that was similar in ways to you, but I hope you don’t mind playing as a cleric?” Raymond asked, knowing that Vulcans worshipped Surak and while it may not be considered blasphemy, Raymond’s Vulcan culture was lacking and he didn’t want to intrude or misstep.

“A cleric of, what?” Spock asked.

“Surak, if you like. It could also be a deity of your creation, but it is up to you.” Raymond shrugged.

“I think I will choose Surak.” Spock admitted.

“Alright then. Basically, you’re an Elf, who is a cleric of Surak.” Raymond explained. “Elves have their own low level runic magic, speak Elfish and because of their low level magic, have to wear leather armour. Clerics either way can’t use most armour anyway, so that’s fine. But I’ve given you a couple war hammers since Clerics can only use blunt weapons in our group. Clerics have their own magic but they have to pray to their deity, in your case Surak, in order to cast the spell. They’re usually scholar characters and healers.” Raymond explained, and Jim grinned when he mentioned that Spock was an elf. This was going to be fun when Spock realised elves pretty much look like him. “Sound okay?”

Spock nodded. He guessed he’d have to look up what elves were later on so he didn’t get stuck as some mockery, but he doubted that Raymond would be the type to create a mocking character for him. Still, one couldn’t be too careful when dealing with a part of a different culture you don’t understand.

“Alright. Everyone got characters?” Terglin asked, looking around and making his way around to the DM screen.

“Yep.” Raymond grinned, looking between the newbies and Terglin with a soft grin.

“Alright. Who have we got?” Terglin asked, looking through some papers. Jim assumed he was looking for the plans for the campaign.

“Didn’t you introduce-” Spock asked, but to save Spock the embarrassment, Jim interuptted him and read off his character.

“Xing, a halfling thief with level 13 armour class and 6 hitpoints.” Jim announced, grinning. Terglin whistled a low whistle under his breath. “Wow, lucky, huh.” he muttered.

“Eden, an elven druid with level 11 armour class and 3 hitpoints.” Chapel sighed, wincing.

“Ohno.” Terglin muttered, writing her character down along with Jim’s.

“Percival, a human paladin with level 16 armour class and 4 hitpoints.” Sulu said, unsure if this was good or bad.

“Wow, we’re veryy diverse.” Terglin mumbled confusedly as he wrote the character down.

“Merlin, a dragonborn wizard with level 10 armour class and 5 hitpoints.” Chekov grinned.

“Classic,ahah.” Terglin laughed and added the character to the list.

“I-chaya, an… elven… cleric with level 11 armour class and 1 hitpoint.” Spock paused, trying to grapple with it slightly, but it didn’t seem like he was not understanding the content he was reading, he just couldn’t read Raymond’s handwriting very well.

“Ouch.” Terglin’s eyes went wide and he added the character to the list. “You’re a cleric, what’s your deity, by the way, Spock?”

“Surak.” Spock answered, and Raymond nudged Terglin slightly as if to tell him to write it down.

Terglin did, but he still had to figure out how to make the real life religious being appear in his campaign.

Terglin also did realise that the characters with less than 3 hitpoints would need to be babied  until they went up a level.


	3. the first campaign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, there's a Tarsus IV trigger/ flashback scene in this, so if you could be sensitive to things like that, just be careful.  
> <3

"Alright, so the oldies have already given me their characters. Let’s get playing!” Terglin grinned.

“It’s the medieval times here on Earth, and scholars aren’t very common place. However you all have your differing reasons for coming together and making this trip.” Terglin explained shuffling through papers for a minute while continuing.“So, you and the rest of the party have arrived at this village, the Keep. You adventurers, from your different backgrounds, all know that this place is the last known place. To you, this is the edge of the known universe. You have no idea what is past this village, and the merchant who drove you there has asked you to unload his merchandise in order to repay him for the ride. All except Merlin and Remay. Since Wizards aren’t really any use to him.”

Chekov and the oldie playing Remay grinned and high fived. “The unloading takes about thirty minutes between the five of you left, and you get paid a couple gold pieces each. What were Remay and Merlin doing whilst they were working?” Terglin asked, picking a die up.

“I don’t know, Terg, what’s there?” ‘Remay’ asked. “In the village?” Terglin asked, looking at something behind his screen.

“Yep.” “What’s Remay’s intelligence?” Terglin asked, looking up at him expectantly. ‘Remay’ looked down at his sheet and fed it back to him.

“You can’t recognise the majority of the buildings around, but you do recognise the tavern and the inn. Remay was quite the hermit before this, really.” Terglin grinned teasingly.

“Damn. Tavern, Whiz kid?” ‘Remay’ invited Chekov to join him.

“No. Is there a place I can study my spells?” Chekov asked Terglin.

“Yep. Other than the inn and the temple to Surak, there is a fountain in the village square which is relatively quiet.” Terglin shrugged.

“I’ll go there then.” Chekov nodded.

“Alright. Merlin is at the fountain, everyone’s still working. So what do you do at the Tavern, Remay?” Terglin asked, looking through notes.

“Drink some mead.” ‘Remay’ shrugged.

“Alright, that’s 4 gold pieces. There are lots of people at this tavern despite the early time of day. Is there anything else you want to do?” Terglin asked, writing something.

“Chat up the bartender…?” ‘Remay’ asked, not sounding sure of his action, but asking about it anyway.

There was the sound of rolling and the oldies shared a panicked look.

Teglin laughed, and looked back at ‘Remay.’ “So you just flirted with a forty year old homophobic and married elven man. He’s angry and wants to fight you, so take 1 hitpoint off.” Terglin laughed.

‘Remay’s’ eyes widened, shocked. “Damn. Flirting with NPCs with you DMing is always a hit or miss.” He chuckled.

“But I know you lot love it,” Terglin grinned and laughed. “What do you do, Larry? He’s slapped you and angling for a fight.”  

“Shit. Remay’s got charm, right?” Larry/Remay asked, scanning his character sheet.

“You tell me, Lar.” Terglin shrugged.

“Yep. I use charm on him.” Larry grinned.

Terglin just grinned back and rolled behind the screen, Jim on the edge of his seat unsure if he wanted to laugh or not.

“Yep. It works. He’s under your control for... “ Terglin rolls again. “4 hours.” Terglin dies laughing, and then the group erupts into laughter, Spock looking confused (according to Jim) as they all flailed around laughing.

“So, you-” Jim pauses to laugh again. “You flirted with some married dude and now you’ve charmed him.” He rolls around laughing again. “Sounds like adultery to me.” Jim grinned wickedly at Larry until he couldn’t take it but laugh at Larry’s shocked expression. But everyone just died laughing again.

“Alright alright, I get it. Maybe I’ll use it to get free drinks though, Remay’s got standards.” Larry grins wickedly.

“What, me?” Jim smirked.

“Nah, more like Raymond, but he taken.” Larry chuckled. “Sorry Terg, no jealousy.” Larry shrugged.

“Alright.” Terglin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “So everyone’s finished unloading the merchandise. What does everyone want to do?” Terglin asked, looking around. When no one answers, he picks on someone.

“Alright then. Spock, do you wanna go to the temple, go buy potions or something else?” Terglin asks, and Jim wants to jump in and help, knowing the Vulcan the best out of the people here, but Spock has already got this.

“What do you mean?” Spock asked carefully. Jim thinks he generally understands, but Jim thinks it’ll be hard for Spock to figure it out.

So, Jim looks between Spock and Terglin, who was silent and trying to figure out how to explain it in logical terms, and snaps his fingers at Terglin, motioning for the map.

When Terglin is hesitant to hand it over, Jim sighed. “He’s got 16 intelligence, man. Give’m a break.” He mumbled.

Terglin thought for a moment, and handed it over, passing him the figurines of the different races they had and they spread it out over the map. The majority of the party was in the entrance to the town square, one wizard figurine was in the tavern, and the other at the fountain.

Spock just looked curiously at Jim as this was set up.

“Alright, what he’s asking, Spock, is; your character is here.” Jim said, sitting on the table and facing Spock while Terglin made a shocked and offended squeak of protest. Jim ignored it and pointed at Spock’s cleric character, who was on the edge of the party’s loose group.

“There’s the temple, where you can pray, there,” he pointed about five squares in front of Spock, and then moved his finger. “The potion brewery,” He pointed next to the temple. “And the blacksmith here.” He pointed across from the brewery. “Where would you like to move?” Jim asked, looking down at Spock while he sat on the table.

Spock thought on it, looked at how many gold pieces he had and looked back to the map. “The temple.” Spock answered, and moved his piece there.

Jim just grinned in response, and looked back at Terglin, who motioned for him to get off the table before speaking.

“Alright, Jim. How about you?” Terglin asked, looking at him differently than he did before.

“I wanna steal something, so I’ll hang out near the housing area.” Jim grinned. Raymond facepalmed at his place right next to the screen and Terglin sighed. “Damn thiefs.” He muttered.

“Ok.” he said, and rolled for something. His eyes widened and he rolled two more times before looking up to tell Jim the results.

“Someone does come around, but they notice you stealing, even with your halfheight bonus. Take 2 hitpoints off, Xing.” He told Jim.

“Fuck.” Jim muttered. “Can I attack him back?” Jim asked, changing his hitpoint status.

“Yep. What do you do?” Terglin asked, paying attention.

“Aw, no fair! The new kid snagged the first fight of the campaign!” Someone complained.

“Is that a bad thing? Why associate importance to being the first to achieve something?” Spock asked, looking logical as ever. Jim noticed the confused press of his fingers to his shirt like he did in chess games. Okay, so confused and trying to hide it, Jim deduced.

“Not a bad thing, mate. But I had a streak going!” The same guy groaned, seeming to complain.

Jim just grinned devilishly and sighed. “Well, what else am I for? I wonder.” Jim fake sighed, gazing and picking at his nails like he’s conceited.

It just earned a glare from the guy and Terglin sighed in the background. “What do you do?” He asked, head in his hands.

“I…” Jim faltered. Wanting to answer. But the face that Sulu was directing back at him had him curious, and he directed his own gaze to what Sulu was looking at.

Spock still looked confused. Jim noticed that his face was carefully blank, but the slightly tightened hand was still there.

“Being first is like-” “It’s just an emotional need to be first, Spock. It feels like winning, no matter what it is about.” Jim and Sulu both started to explain, but Sulu gave way to Jim’s explanation after they met gazes a moment. A side conversation started to do with ‘wow these newbies are weird.’

Spock considered it for a moment, and nodded in affirmation. Jim turned to answer. “I stab him in the leg.” he grinned.

Terglin shared an amused look with Raymond and then indicated to the d20. “Up to you, young grasshopper. Get a 12 or above.” Terglin grinned devilishly.

“Shit.” Jim muttered as he shook the dice. He dropped it onto the table, and it rolled into a 12.

Terglin looked shocked, but Jim was just silently laughing as Terglin rolled the hitpoint loss.

Terglin’s eyes widened and he wrote some stuff down before looking up at Jim.

“You stab down into the leg, in a chink in the man's armour and cut really deep. The guy tries to leave but dies slowly of blood loss.” Terglin described, acting it out silently.

Everyone just looks shocked as Jim grinned and did a little victory dance in his seat.

“Yo, that was easy. How many hitpoints did he damage?” the same dude from earlier asked.

“4. But he was attacking one of the weaklings of the village.” Terglin sighed, looking through a couple lists.

“I just got lucky then. It would've been great if it was crit, though.” Jim sighed.

“Mate, save your crit luck until the big shit.” Larry laughed.

Jim shrugged.  “What was on him?”

“50 gold and his armour. But it is too big and heavy for you, Xing.” Terglin replied.

Jim just shrugged and wrote the gold down.

This was a bit much for Spock, and he was considering leaving when Terglin groaned something.

“Guys, do something. Please.”

So people listed off things they wanted to do, and they went and did those things. Chekov wanted to hang around his boyfriend, but Raymond suggested against it, since it _was_ the medieval times, after all.

There was a sigh as Terglin figured everything out and pushed the figurines around a little bit.

“我们可以做什么- “ Spock started, before realizing he was speaking a different language. “What else can we do?” He asked, correcting himself.

Jim just grinned at him as everyone was confused. Jim didn’t understand the language, but it felt kind of endearing to him that he thought in a different language other than vulcan and standard sometimes.

“I’m getting to it, Spock.” Terglin grinned. “So, Spock is at Surak’s temple, when someone approaches him. He’s an old and wizened man who seems to have given himself to Surak’s teachings. Whilst I’m not an expert of what that might look like, I’m sure Spock knows.” Terglin mentions, glancing for approval at Spock momentarily before going on to explain what is happening.

“‘Excuse me,’ the man asks, and you can’t seem to make out how old he is. ‘Have you arrived about the smuggler who’s been smuggling our children into the unknown?’” Terglin makes a somewhat strange impression of the man, but Spock ponders it as Terglin places the character’s piece in front of Spocks for his reference.

“Negative,” Spock replies kind of dubiously, his eyebrow climbing his face as Jim frantically shakes his head.

“Say yes!” Jim pushed eagerly. “So does Xing say that? He’s not even where Ichaya is, Jim.” Terglin butts in.

Jim just gives him the stink eye.

“Why?” Spock asks, his eyebrow still raised.

“Because then we’ll get something to do!” Luna sassed back, rolling her eyes.

“Vulcans do not lie.” Spock replied. Luna just huffed out a breath and flopped onto the table, looking up again a moment later. “Way to be true neutral,” She muttered.

Jim could see him bubbling with confusion behind the mask, but as soon as it was suppressed, he knew Spock was going to reply, so he butted in.

“While we all know that Vulcans are all true neutral, 25/7, let's see this play out.” He grinned.

Spock’s other eyebrow joined the other one.

“Alright, I-chaya. What’s your charisma?” Terglin asked, shuffling around a bit.

“Nine.” Spock deadpanned, seeming to connect Ichaya to being himself.

Terglin rolled the dice, and looked unhappy with the results, but he didn’t attempt to reroll.

“Alright, the old man is shocked from how wrong he was, but he thinks it over.” Terglin amended, looking between the faces there. “But he asks you to look into it. He says he’ll pay you. He’s really disgruntled, though.”

Spock had to let his eyebrows go down before he could raise one of them again.

“But there are eight other people to help.” Spock stated.

“The man thinks about it and suggests you split it however you lot like.” Terglin shrugged.

“I would have to inquire if the others would like to join or not.” Spock pointed out.

“Well, you tell the man that and he nods and says that you can find him in the temple when you’ve decided amongst yourselves. He’s paying 300 gold pieces, so… what’s your intelligence?” Terglin asked, and Jim couldn’t help himself.

“Higher than yours.” He piped up, before dying with laughter at Terglin’s ‘I will kill you’ face. But everyone just laughed it off.

“No need to rub it in, Jimbo.” He muttered, before the sound of rolling could be heard. “Ohno, Terglin I’m really sorry-” Jim started, terrified for his character’s life.

“Relax, youngin. It takes a lot more than a comment like that to bring me to the ‘rocks fall everyone dies’ scenario.” Terglin laughed, before looking expectantly at Spock.

“How do I proceed?” Spock asked, sitting there a bit dumbly. Spock was still none the wiser in body language.

Jim wanted to lightly give him a nudge to tell him he’d take over and help, but he remembered at the last second about Vulcan touch telepathy and what respect looks like to them, and stopped. Spock seemed to sense this, however and turned to Jim for help.

“Get your character to where everyone else is to ask them,” Jim grinned, getting up to move the characters around on the map.

Spock thought about it for a second, and nodded, Jim moving I-Chaya to the tavern, where the majority of them were situated and wasting time within the game while Terglin worked on trying to get them into a storyline.

“Alright, how do you get the party’s attention, I-Chaya?” Terglin asked, looking up at Spock while reading something from a paper book (another shock to the people who’ve barely seen a book before.)

Spock pondered this, not noticing Jim’s subsequent stiffening at Terglin’s question, despite it not being directed at him.

Jim’s mind was suddenly a pipe bomb, and everything was ticking down as fluid from that pipe bomb trickled out in horrifying memories of terror and pain and… hunger.

Revenge or food related hunger, or the ownership in being the dominant one in one night stands, or-

He sunk internally, and suddenly he wasn’t in the DnD room, where everyone was grinning with joy and pretending to be drunk jovially and Spock sitting next to him being confused cutely-

He was sitting in the room he had been stuffed in when Kodos had gone ballistic, along with everyone else to die either from gas or hunger or both or not at al-

His mind shut off. The scene of being in that room hitting everything in his mind bluntly, the memory him hyperventilating and searching for a way out like he did before, screaming his friends names and not regretting a second of it as the guards beat him for screaming.

And as he practically dug his way out, he just whispered his first love’s name like a mantra, panic and utter despairing fear clawing and gripping and it was everywhere now, oh _no_ , his hand shook and he was on the verge of breaking down as he fought the guards, grabbing a phaser, gunning them down and when he realized there were no exits, he faced the possibility that he wouldn’t get out as he shot the wall, over and over, chipping away at it while the rest of the tightly packed people tried their best to stay away from him, blood colouring his fingernails as he whispered _William_ like a prayer and the gas was being turned on, but the hole was almost big enough and oh no, not them, no nonononono -

Crash,

“Alright, how do you get the party’s attention, Will?” Jim grinned, tossing a twenty sided dice between his hands like a benevolent and cocky god.

“Well,” William sighed, unsure. His face lit up suddenly, and Jim couldn’t help but remember that same face in a more intimate setting. “I wanna be extra, so I fireball him.” William grinned.

“Alright, you do~” Jim paused as he went back to his dungeon master area, flipping through something to make sure of the damage points fireball had. He looked up and

Bzt.

It was silent, like it wasn’t even that bad, but it was bad alright. William had a clip through the shoulder, and his face was contorted in pain. Concern lit up Jim’s being, but he realized that there was someone shooting at them.

So he directed that concern to anger as he saw his friends tend to William, and he turned to the window, seeing immediately that someone was perching on the hill nearby. Jim instead just looked for an exit that they could leave through, concern and anger giving way to some panic and a hint of fear as he directed his friends through to the adjoining bathroom, practically tripping over each other attempting to get to the door.

They opened the door to the police, and the boys told them of the predicament, Jim keeping silent because he knows that authority doesn’t actually do much.

But instead the police apprehend the boys, barely treating Will’s wound, but they got seperated -

Jim’s heart breaks again and everything falls under him and-

“Jim, are you okay?”

And suddenly everyone around him was back, laughing jovially and grinning while Terglin and Raymond stare at him worriedly.

Spock slowly turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised, and suddenly all of this was wrong to him.

Jim needed to get out, the sick and bile filling his stomach as he blinked his way through it so he could excuse himself to the bathroom.

“Yeah.” Jim said a bit airily.

“You kind of… zoned out, mate.” Raymond asked, concerned.

“Oh? Sorry, I was thinking.” Jim shrugged, throwing on a grin and looking around nonchalantly.

“Your character almost died, by the way.” Luna piped up, smirking slightly.

“Huh?” Jim made a noise confused. Why would they move his character for him when he was right here?

“We couldn’t snap you out of it so I tried to help.” Raymond replied, seeming lightly amused, but Jim couldn’t tell if it was a front or not.

“Yeah, I didn’t sleep much last night. Would you guys mind if I went off to the bathroom for a minute?” Jim asked, standing up after asking that shortly.

“Sure, no problem,” Raymond replied, giving his boyfriend a look before smiling back at him. “Do you mind if I keep helping your character out?”

“Nope.” Jim said, giving a half-hearted smile and leaving the room without another word. He wandered around for the bathroom and splashed his face.

He needed a break for a minute, it must’ve been a shock to his system that he was playing DnD again.

Deep breaths, Jim. In…

Out.

In….

Out.

Groans of agony.

Jim splashed his face again and leaned against the bathroom sink, facing the bathroom stalls while his stomach churned sickeningly.

He didn’t know what had come over him, he was fine the minute before…

Multiple shrinks chorused in the background something about PTSD and triggers but he didn’t listen to them, just like he did when they had approached him about his mental health post Tarsus IV at the time.

But he let himself wallow for now, he pushed the shrinks away from his conscious mind; he didn’t need all of that bullshit currently anyway.

But what did he need?


	4. growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Spock seems a bit estranged here, it's because he's feeling really confused. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long time to the next update, I got sucked in by pintrest and was very pedantic with this chapter... idk it doesn't feel right, hnghghhh

 Jim felt tears and he choked on them slightly, his heart squeezing and shivers racking his body as his choked all of it down.

Look at this. Jim Kirk, the guy that’s supposed to be the James Dean of guys and girls and all the beings in between, sitting here depressed. What a joke.

But this is his fault, he realised, that he’s sitting here like this. He’s crafted this persona ever since he realised it was effective against Frank. He doesn’t need the persona anymore, but he’s not so sure if it’s a persona or not anymore. The lines blurred sometime ago between the nerd inside and the attitude on the outside.

But that did no good to save Will, did it?

Jim dry sobbed.

 

“There is a cleric who asked us to look into kidnappings, but how can we investigate it? We need a lead, not money…” Sulu sulked. Chekov just glanced at his boyfriend longsufferingly.

“Mayvbe we should azk Jim?” Chekov asked worriedly, his accent colouring his words with worry while he glanced around the table to see what others thought of it.

“Why ask Jim? He’s in the bathroom, kid.” Kew asked, shrugging lazily.

“Yeah, maybe someone should check on him..?” Chapel surprisingly suggested.

“It should be unnecessary, Kirk is a capable adult.” Spock said bluntly. Raymond furrowed his eyebrows slightly and his eyes flicked to the left for a minute before they focused on Spock’s.

Raymond was unsure what to say: he almost certainly knew Jim was having a breakdown or flashbacks, he could read that easily off Jim as he left. But he knew that Jim wouldn’t be the type of person that wanted someone to walk in as he had a breakdown, but…

He eyed Terglin, and then Spock, and then back to Terglin, whose flickered glance secreted alarm.

“Well, alright. Spock, could you check on him?” Raymond asked, Spock looking up to meet Raymond’s gaze.

Spock nodded, silent with suppressed concern for the chess opponent he was familiar with.

Spock stood and left, the room silent as he left while he could feel eyes trained on him with baited breaths.

Spock took it slow walking to the bathroom, probably thinking that if he did it would give Jim time to fix himself if what he sensed emotionally from Jim was indeed correct.

In fact, Spock was taking it so slow it could be considered a leisurely stroll rather than Spock looking for Jim with a sneaking suspicion Jim was sad.

He saw the split second expression of Jim’s face earlier… Spock couldn’t describe it without the words, illogically; melting and breaking with sadness before he snapped out of his strange state.

Spock was calm and unemotional by normal standards, but…

…

...

That still didn’t explain the extraneous pumping of blood from his heart at his side. He mentally controlled it and it slowed.

Spock stopped a moment, thinking.

What was sad about the game that they were playing? Spock didn’t have enough practice in human emotions to understand any of it, least of all why Raymond sent _him_ to check on Jim when Jim was clearly off somewhere feeling sad.

Spock couldn’t understand, because it was just… Illogical. Why didn’t Raymond go himself? Raymond was a psychologist. He’d know how to help.

Spock, if he’d admit it to himself, was befuddled by it. Maybe even scared. But he suppressed it because he knew being illogical and emotional at this time wouldn’t be useful. It more felt like fighting something rather than the logical dismissal of emotions he usually experienced.

Besides, it was illogical to speculate, he thought, cutting off the rather emotional observation.

But, even so, when did Spock start speculating? He’s never done so before. He knows the illogic of it all.

Spock mentally shook it off, realising he was speculating again and straightened himself up. He was being, for lack of a better word, cowardly. He didn’t want to attempt to deal with a sad human; he’s never had to before. (Unless it was his mother, but she cheered up on her own most of the time anyway.)

Spock quickened his step, if he took too long, the group would think nefariously.

“Jim?” He called softly, without a thought, when he got near to the bathroom. But Spock realised he wasn’t being loud enough before…

Were those… Spock searched for the word.

Sobs?

He stepped closer, then confirmed the noise to be just that.

Why? Spock asked mentally, but then suppressed it. He’d have to check his new and sudden speculation streak later.

“Jim?” He called again, louder. He stepped into the open doored bathroom this time.

But Spock was shocked into not calling out again: Jim was huddled on the floor, leaning against that extra bit of wall used for the hand dryer…

Sobbing.

Spock wasn’t sure what to do.

“Will…” A raspy whisper that was almost not even a sound came from his direction. Spock’s ears picked it up anyway in the quiet of the bathroom.

Will was a request, but it could also be a name. Spock decided to ignore it, about to ask if he was able to go back and play... but everything just stopped when the sobs grew quieter and more helpless before they just were sobs, empty of emotion. So empty of emotion Spock could tell.

Spock didn’t even think, he just left. He felt… paralysed, and he wasn’t sure what was making him feel that way. He fought his emotions down again.

He’d tell the others that Jim wasn’t in the bathroom but he was sure that Jim had a reason to leave.

He wasn’t sure if this was cowardice or not. But in the back of his mind, Nyota popped up and said something about an experience with a sad person she had before, saying ‘well, it would’ve been insensitive to press her. She was really depressed at that point.’ So Spock supposed that the fact he left was from that.

But Spock couldn’t shake the feeling that that was something he wasn’t supposed to see. He didn’t even think hard enough through his mental paralysis to remember his actions were not of Vulcan behaviour.

 

Raymond watched as Spock walked in and said that Jim had left. Raymond was inclined to believe him, but Terglin was looking at the Vulcan strangely. Raymond knew that Terglin knew Spock a bit better than him, having read through his code before.

Then, Raymond caught it. The freaked out glint in his eye momentarily, it left just as it appeared. It was a very human glimpse, so it was one he could read.

Vulcans don’t lie, but… what spurred Spock to lie?

Perhaps he should venture into Vulcan psychology, Raymond thought privately as Spock settled back into his seat.

They finished the first session without Jim, who didn’t even come back for his PADD. They kept Xing, his character, at a safe distance the rest of the session, which ended at the beginning of their trip out of the town at the edge of the ‘known universe’, which Spock seemed to verbally scoff at. Ever since Spock had gotten back he’d been… in a logical strop despite his calm demeanour. But neither Raymond or Terglin had the faintest clue why.

The reason the first game ended so early was because Terglin, after having to DM a six hour campaign one Friday with an essay to give in to his professor by tomorrow morning and his date night with Raymond the same night, decided he had had enough and set a definite end time to the games so he and Raymond could still have date night on Friday.

Which was about an hour and a half after 17:00, so they would end at 18:30.

When it ended, Spock was just about to leave. He needed to think this whole DnD thing over. The game was making him antsy (for lack of a better word), and he was grateful that there was board game pieces to show him what’s going on, but sometimes it was a bit hard to understand without precise descriptive explanations.

Spock was also logically trying to figure out why he’d been speculating earlier, as well as left Jim alone and lied on his behalf, as it was very unvulcanlike behaviour, and it was also illogical.

Nevertheless, on his way out, he stopped, thinking for a moment despite it being illogical that feeling that not moving would help thinking efficiency. But he noticed that Jim had left his PADD behind when he went to the bathroom. It was lying on the table where he had sat before he left.

And Spock supposed the bathroom would be on his way back. It was logical to save his friend a trip.

Friend?

No, not a friend. Spock reasoned. ‘Friend’ was too loose of a human word to be used to describe his relationship with Jim, if he even had one. They played competitive games with each other in chess, and Jim occasionally challenged him about it in the hallway, but it was illogical to call a chess partner a friend, surely.

Spock clearly needed to meditate, he decided. It was probably the imagination game and the extra contact with humans that day that Spock was thinking like this.

He walked over to the bathroom to find Jim standing and washing his hands. He seemed to not bear any marks or visible signs that the sadness had transpired.

“Oh, hey Spock.” Jim greeted casually. Spock was unsure if Jim was aware of his surroundings when Spock had approached him earlier, but if he had, he wasn’t mentioning it.

“You left your PADD.” Spock replied bluntly, unsure how to act.

“Oh.” Jim said, feeling as if Spock was being a bit stranger than his usual self, but not minding particularly. He was in no mood to be talking to anyone with an ounce of pity in them.

Spock just passed the PADD to him, and Jim flashed a weak smile at him before accepting it, his hands brushing Spock’s momentarily. Jim barely flashing with recognition for a minute at the skin to skin contact but ignoring it.

All Spock could pick up was / _depressed_ / / _longing_ / / _guilt_ / / _heartbreak_ / / _pain_ / but he couldn’t make any sense of it. Perhaps he could discuss it with his mother? It was worrying that his chess partner felt like this.

“Thanks, Spock.” Jim smiled again, this time gratefully. Spock couldn't read what emotion lay behind that smile.

Spock nodded and left.

Jim stood there feeling a bit… robbed. His friend, who was his intellectual equal, usually had some interesting quips and conversation bits, even if he had just finished playing chess with him.

He shrugged, and looked back at himself. He had decided something after climbing himself out of that depressing pit.

He needed a drink. 

Jim knew it wasn’t going to help, but he kind of needed it as at least a brief pick-me-up after that anyway. He also knew Raymond would probably come after him to ask what happened, but he had until next Friday in the very least to think about an excuse.

Off to Spero, then. Jim thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been busy this April and a bit into May, so next update should be May 22nd (GMT) 
> 
> Feel free to badger me, though!


	5. who you gonna call?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confused Spock contacts his mum for social help! (Happy Mother's Day, btw!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early update! I'll update sometime soon, the only reason being is how busy it is for me right now ;-; 
> 
> On the inevitable topic of the cannon/non-cannon Vulcan grammar, I read somewhere while researching the language that Vulcan grammar was like Japanese grammar ( subject - object - verb) so I just wrote it like that.. (I sadly don't speak Vulcan lol) (feel free to correct me, however)

“Spock, what’s this about?” Amanda sighed, gazing at her son on the screen. He’d called her out of the blue. “I mean, it’s great you’re phoning home,” she smiled. “But you look troubled.” 

“I don’t look anything, mother.” Spock internally sighed. “I’m a vulc-” 

“Vulcan. I know, silly.” Amanda grinned. “What’s up?” 

Spock raised his eyebrow. “By which you mean to tell you what you believe is troubling me? Not what’s directly above my person..?” 

“Exactly.” Amanda replied self-satisfiedly, sitting back against the sofa behind her.

“Nothing is  _ troubling _ me, mother.” Spock replied, his other eyebrow joining it’s partner on his forehead. 

“What a fucking lie~!” A Scottish accent scoffed from across the room, and Spock looked over to see Scotty glaring at him with a grumbly ‘you’re so fucking dense’ look on his face. 

“Well it seems someone agrees with me!” Amanda laughed over the call.

“Your analysis of my current state is incorrect and biased by applying human emotions to my person.” Spock replied factually, watching as Scotty poured himself a glass of scotch, the ice clinking in the glass as he plonked a spherical piece into the cup.

Scotty just rolled his eyes and shrugged, mumbling something like ‘bias my arse’ under his breath, but it was almost too soft for even Spock’s vulcan ears.

“Is that your new roommate?” Amanda asked, drawing Spock’s attention back to the call.

“Affirmative.” Spock replied, glancing back at Scotty with a blank look. 

“What’s he like? Can I say hi?” Amanda grinned, knowing it would annoy Spock, but she did want to meet the person who would share a space with her son.

Spock internally sighed again. “If you wish. His name is Montgomery Scott, and he’s from Scotland.” 

“Just call me Scotty, lass!” Scotty shouted from his corner. If Spock could allow himself to sigh or roll his eyes, he would. But he suppressed his exasperation for the matter on hand, and Spock’s eyebrows fell back into their usual place above his eyes.

“He’s very lively, I see.” Amanda laughed, watching Spock’s face through the screen, her grin growing. “You’ll get used to him, I know you will, sweetie.” 

Spock’s eyebrow went up again, dubious that he would. 

“Anyway, mother. I called to ask you a query to which I believe you have the answer to.” Spock stated, directing the conversation away from his new brash roommate. 

“Ask away.” Amanda replied, taking a drink of water as she waited for her son to explain. 

“I was approached by someone to participate in a game called ‘Dungeons and Dragons’, as I communicated to you on Monday, and noticed something strange occur to a…” Spock searched for the word. “Teammate, I suppose. Whilst participating.” 

“Oh, I remember. You were unsettled about it, weren’t you?” Amanda asked. “I thought you would change your mind before the participation date…” 

“I did not.” Spock tilted his head slightly. “I was slightly unsettled due to the fact it was an invitation to a game entirely based on imagination, but I still participated.” he admitted.

“And is that what’s troubling you?” Amanda asked empathetically. “I know you were one for imagination in the past before your heritage stepped in, but surely being unsettled due a teammate is illogical..?” 

“The teammate was my chess partner, mother. I believe I’ve mentioned Jim Kirk?” Spock asked, glancing at Scotty to see if he was listening, but he had shoved headphones on and was watching a movie or video on his PADD.

Still nervous about Scotty overhearing, as he still didn’t quite trust the loudmouthed Scot, he slowly moved to the door, and left, sitting outside in the empty hallway while his mother pondered.

“How could I not? You never not mention him, Spock.” Amanda laughed.

Spock just raised an eyebrow. “May I inquire as to your meaning?” 

“Every call you mention Jim, Spock.” Amanda nodded her head at the screen with an amused smile.

“Fascinating.” Spock muttered to himself. And it was, truly. He had not realised that this pattern was occurring. Perhaps he should look into it as soon as he meditated. 

“It’s mostly about your chess games though, Spock. Don’t worry about it.” Amanda said dismissively, taking another sip of water as she glanced somewhere offscreen. 

“You [and] Spock are talking?” the voice of Sarek came from somewhere nearby. Sarek was speaking in Vulcan, but the language automatically translated between Vulcan and Standard and back again in his multilingual brain. 

“Yes.” Amanda affirmed, also in Vulcan. 

“Ta’al, Spock.” Sarek greeted, before leaning into frame.

“Hello as well, father.” Spock nodded, communicating in standard, wondering if his father had heard the previous conversation about the imagination game and whether Sarek was going to chastise him for it.

But Sarek just turned to Amanda and ignored the call all together. Spock knew he was on bad terms with his father after he rejected the Vulcan Science Academy and went to Starfleet Academy, and Sarek was still being, as Uhura would call it, ‘petty about it’, it seems. 

“Amanda, Japanese udon can eat?” Sarek asked in Vulcan.

“That would be perfect, Ashayam.” Amanda smiled at Sarek in standard, and Sarek sullenly left, knowing one of the reasons she called him Ashayam was to diffuse the tension situation between Spock and Sarek over the call before Spock cancelled the call. 

As the click of a door closing echoed in the background, Amanda returned her attention to the call.

“Anyway, Spock. What were you going to ask?” Amanda asked.

Spock almost told her to forget about it, seeing that he now felt admittedly uncomfortable because of the reminder of his father’s disappointment with him to choosing the Terran university, but the thing he was talking about was far too important for him to leave and meditate on his father’s disappointment instead.    
“I was querying on the symptoms of my teammate’s sudden departure from the game,” Spock replied patiently. 

“And those symptoms are….?” Amanda asked, pondering the reasons a healthy human or Terran would leave a game they had signed up to enjoy.

“He suddenly became quiet and acutely Vulcan before leaving the room,” Spock said insistently. “I found him…” Spock searched for the word. “Crying, I believe.” The word felt slightly foreign on his tongue, he’d never really had to describe someone that way before, and it had been a long time since he’d cried or known someone who had cried.

“Where exactly?” Amanda asked, her lips in a tighter line than they were before. 

“The bathroom.” Spock replied, thinking back to the scene from before. 

“So, he went all blank, and then got up to leave, presumably asking if it was okay to leave, and then hid out in the bathroom to cry?” Amanda asked, running the situation through her imagination and head. (Something Spock was fairly good at, given precise and logical descriptions. But not for absurd fantasy stories. He would have to learn Terran mythology from the bottom up to understand it all.) 

“Affirmative.” Spock replied patiently. 

“What had happened prior to this all?” Amanda asked, looking at something on her PADD carefully.

“I can quote the conversation happening prior, if that’s your meaning, mother.” Spock replied knowingly. Spock used his eidetic memory to run through the scene again like it hadn’t been running over and over on a loop since that moment. 

“If you can,” Amanda sighed, burdened with possibilities. 

“The game guide had asked me, ‘Alright, how do you get the party’s attention?’ and then I had replied that I was ‘going to approach the group’, and he rolled a dice to tell me what happened before we realised that Jim was looking a little strange.” Spock replied, barely having to think about his answer.

Amanda sat and thought about it for a while, and Spock patiently sat, glancing politely around the empty hallway that he was sitting in. 

“I think something must’ve made him sad or angry, Spock.” Amanda said after a long pause. She had looked up from a PADD on her screen.

“That is obvious, mother.” Spock raised an eyebrow, feeling acutely frustrated before he dissolved the feeling away with his Vulcan training. 

“No shit.” Amanda muttered to herself as softly as she could, knowing Spock would find the use of the word confusing. “No, Spock. As in something in the conversation. About what part of the conversation was he distant and looking sick, Spock?” Amanda asked, looking questionably at her son as if looking at him would elicit the answer itself.

Spock hesitated. He was unsure, and this new piece of data slotted in perfectly with his knowledge of human emotions thus far. He was just unsure which part of the conversation. 

“Unclear, mother.” Spock replied regretfully.

“Well it must be a word or phrase from that conversation, Spock. If you truly want to know what made him react this way, you’re going to have to find out which phrase. I’m a Terran teacher, so I can tell certain common things about behaviour, but it couldn’t have been anything else if he was enjoying himself prior to that sudden reaction.” Amanda sighed, taking as much as she could with the data she had into consideration. 

“But why would you like to know why, Spock?” Amanda asked, looking curious.

“I….” Spock hesitated, unsure how to answer. He did admit to some acute concern (whether his Vulcan training allowed him to or not) for Jim after that episode, but it surely… 

“I don’t quite understand it myself, mother.” Spock finally replied.

“Well darling, if you ever need to talk about something, you know I’m here for you to discuss things through with, right?” Amanda asked fondly.

“Of course, mother. It’s more a matter of topic suitability.” Spock replied, logically going through things he would and wouldn’t talk to his mother about. (For example the very strange cardiac output discrepancies he experienced when thinking about the episode. He didn’t ask about those in case his mother brought them up with his father, and Spock admittedly didn’t want to disappoint him even more.)

“Well, it’s almost dinner time here, so I best be going to eat that.” Amanda grinned flashing a ta’al symbol with her hands at the camera.

“Ta’al, mother.” Spock replied, mirroring the gesture. Spock was unsure of what else to say in his slightly whirl-winded state. 

His mother ended the call, and he was left alone in the empty hallway outside his dorm room once again. The lights were off in the dorm room, that he could see from the window, so he re-entered the room as silently as he could. 

And as he prepared for his nightly meditation, he pondered over this new piece of data. 

While the call was a bit too long and extraneous for his taste, Spock had managed to glean the fact that there was something in a sentence they said that set Jim on that strange emotional path.

Either way, his thoughts melted away as he centred himself in his meditation cycle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super busy, but change of plan I'm going to update after I finish a good omens oneshot!
> 
> So yeah! Please don't give up on Kaiidth Imagination, the story's only just kicking into the action~!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a dungeons and dragons player and there was no fics of spirk and Dnd, so guess what I’m doing?  
> I feel like DnD could easily suit the pair of them if written right, so this is my attempt haha 
> 
> More chapters to come!


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